How To Talk To Your Partner About What You Want In Bed
Sex can be difficult to talk about, and while talking about sex with your partner should be easy, that's not always the case. But the more you communicate with your partner about what you want in bed, the better sex will be for both of you—and for your relationship in general. That being said, starting these conversations isn't always easy. If you're thinking about how to broach the topic with your partner but aren't sure where to start, don't worry! In this post, we'll cover everything from why open communication is key to how (and when) to have these discussions and more.
Open up the lines of communication.
Talking about sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. It's also something that many people are too embarrassed or ashamed to do, which can lead to frustration and resentment in the bedroom.
You don't have to talk about sex with your partner right away if it makes you uncomfortable, but if there's something specific that turns you on--or off--it helps both of you out if they know what those things are so they can try their best at meeting those needs.
What’s Stopping You?
So, you have a problem. You want something in bed that your partner doesn't, and you think that if only they knew about it, things would be different. But for some reason (we can call this "the obstacle"), you haven't been able to bring it up yet.
Why are there obstacles? Maybe your partner is shy or nervous when talking about sex; maybe they think they know everything already and don't need any help; or maybe they just aren't sure how to talk about their needs with someone else who has different ones than their own. They may also be afraid of hurting your feelings by saying no--even if their answer would actually make both of you happy!
Be Honest — With Yourself and Your Partner
The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself and your partner. The more open you are about what you want, the easier it will be for them to help you get it. Be honest about your feelings, what you like and don't like, what you want to try, what scares or excites you. For example: "I feel really scared when we talk about doing this because I'm afraid of looking dumb and ruining the mood."
What is the goal of the conversation?
Before you start, it's important to think about what your goal is. What do you hope to get out of this conversation? Are you looking for more intimacy and connection with your partner, or do you want more sex in general?
Do they know how much time and effort goes into having a fulfilling sex life, or do they think that it just happens naturally without any effort on their part? Do they understand how important it is for them to listen carefully when we talk about our needs and desires in bed (and outside of bed)?
How do you want to have these conversations if they become uncomfortable?
As you begin to talk about what you want in bed, it's important that you be able to communicate clearly and effectively. If a conversation becomes uncomfortable or awkward, it's easy for things to get out of hand--and then one of two things will happen: either the conversation will come to a grinding halt or worse, someone could feel pressured into doing something they don't want to do. To avoid this, use "I" statements instead of "you" statements whenever possible. For example, instead of saying "You should go down on me more often," say something like "I'd love it if we could incorporate more oral in our sex life." This way both partners can speak freely without feeling attacked by each other's words.
Of course, it's important to remember that these conversations can be awkward and uncomfortable, especially if you haven't had them before. But they are also a way to get closer with your partner and start talking about what really matters in your relationship. And the best thing about having these conversations is that they don't have to happen all at once! Take time each week or month (or whenever) to discuss something new--and remember that practice makes perfect!