When One Partner Wants it More Than the Other: How to Handle Desire Discrepancy in Your Relationship
Desire discrepancy is one of the most common issues couples face in the bedroom. If you and your partner have a mismatch in your sex drives, it can be tough to figure out how to bridge the gap.
The good news is, there are ways to work through a desire discrepancy and find a sex life that works for both of you. In this article, we’ll explore some of the most common causes of desire discrepancy and offer some tips on how to handle it in your relationship.
What is Desire Discrepancy?
Desire discrepancy is the term used to describe when one partner wants sex more often than the other. This can cause conflict, especially when there is a noticeable difference in sexual desire between partners. The person with the higher sex drive may feel frustrated and rejected while the partner with the lower sex drive may feel guilty or overwhelmed. Both partners are likely to experience a degree of dissatisfaction. Clashing libidos can happen in any relationship. What’s important is that both partners are willing to put in the necessary effort to understand each other’s needs and create a fulfilling sex life for both of them.
Why Does It Happen?
There are a variety of factors that can contribute to a desire discrepancy. In some cases, it may be a problem with hormones. For example, low testosterone levels or decreased libido due to aging can contribute to a mismatch in interest in sex. Desire discrepancy can also be due to external stressors, such as extended work hours, money worries, or health concerns. These external stressors can negatively affect sexual desire, causing one partner to want sex more than the other. Relationship issues and unresolved conflicts can also lead to one partner not wanting sex, further increasing the gap in desire. Even simple things like different sleep patterns or levels of fatigue between partners can lead to a desire discrepancy. For example, if one partner routinely goes to bed earlier, they may have less interest in sex than their partner who typically stays up later. Finally, issues within the relationship can lead to one partner feeling less interested in sex. Fighting, rejection, feeling misunderstood, there are several relationship-specific reasons one partner may be less interested in a bedroom romp.
How to Handle It
When it comes to handling a desire discrepancy, communication is key. Talk to your partner to find out what’s causing their lack of interest in sex and come up with a plan to address it head on. It’s also important to be respectful and understanding of each other’s feelings - your partner may feel embarrassed or ashamed about their lack of desire, so it’s important to be supportive and non-judgmental. Set boundaries around how often each partner wants or needs sex, and discuss how you will manage any differences. It’s important to make sure that both partners feel respected and that any agreements are fair and equal.
Tips for Getting on the Same Page:
Set aside regular time to talk about your sex life and any issues you may have. This will allow you to discuss any underlying issues that may be making it hard to stay on the same page with your sex life.
Focus on reconnecting with your partner. This can include engaging in activities that bring you closer together, such as taking a dance class, going on a date night, or even engaging in some kind of physical therapy to help increase your physical connection.
Experiment in the bedroom. Trying something different can help reignite your desire and make sex feel new and exciting again. Talk to your partner about what they like and want, and experiment with different positions or activities.
If you and your partner have a mismatch in your sex drives, it can be difficult to work through. But with a bit of communication, understanding and experimentation, it’s possible to find a satisfying sex life that works for both of you. If you need a little extra help navigating mismatched desire, book a consultation.
