How to Use the 5 Love Languages to Improve Your Relationship

Many of us have heard of the 5 Love Languages, but how are they relevant to real-life relationships and how do they look in practice? Keep reading to learn how to use the 5 Love Languages to improve your relationship.

The 5 Love Languages

We should probably start by making sure we understand what the 5 Love Languages are, and what they mean.

The 5 Love Languages is a concept originally developed by Gary Chapman, a counselor and author, In his 1992 book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. If you’re interested in reading the book, you can find it here or by checking with your local bookstore.

Now, the book is older and definitely has a strong thread of Christian ideology woven throughout; however, even if that’s not your thing, the principles are still very relevant to modern relationships. The love languages serve as a lens through which to view our own way of loving, as well as the way we receive love. Knowing how you and your partner(s) receive love is so important for building a lasting, healthy relationship.

Words of Affirmation

The first of the 5 love languages, words of affirmation means verbalizing how you feel about your partner, to your partner. This means throwing out the idea that they just instinctively know how you feel, so you shouldn’t have to remind them. Some people need to be reminded regularly in order to really feel loved, and if your partner is one of those people, this is a pretty easy love language to give them.

Acts of Service

The second love language is acts of service. People who receive love in this way are looking for their partner(s) to physically show them that they are loved. This includes things like doing the dishes, going grocery shopping, taking the car to get the oil changed, etc. This can also include romantic gestures like making your partner(s) breakfast in bed or getting up with the baby in the morning.

Gifts

Third on the list of love languages is gifts. Those who receive love through this love language feel loved when they receive gifts. They don’t have to be flashy or expensive, simply thoughtful; a well-written card or their favorite candy bar, for example. If your partner(s)’ love language is gifts, grab them something small to show them how you feel.

Quality Time

This one is pretty self-explanatory: people with this love language need to spend quality time with their partner(s) in order to truly feel loved. Deep conversation, going on walks, watching movies together - however you like to spend time together, make sure you’re doing it regularly.

Physical Touch

Holding hands, having sex, giving back rubs, you name it. Those whose love language is physical touch will feel loved from any of these forms of physical affection. Show your partner(s) how you feel about them by being physically connected to them as frequently as possible.

If you feel like you and your partner(s) could use a little extra help showing love, reach out for Minnesota sex and relationship therapy and Minnesota couples counseling. Check out our Services & Rates for more information.