How to Determine Your Sexual Values
Determining your sexual values helps you to set healthy boundaries, understand yourself as a sexual being, and have better sexual experiences.
Knowing what you want and don’t want, what you like, and why Is important for creating a healthy, safe, and enjoyable sex life.
Step one: Assess your foundation
Before you begin to explore your sexual values, you need to know where you stand on sexuality generally. We’ve all heard of sex positivity, but what does that mean exactly?
Sex positivity means that you approach sex - yours and others’ - with no judgment, understanding that humans are, for the most part, sexual beings, and there’s no shame in your sexual game. To fully understand your sexual values, you have to free yourself to explore all of your safe and consensual fantasies, desires, and turn-ons.
Step two: Take a look back
We all have those sexual experiences that we’d rather forget. We also have those experiences that we still think about when we’re giving ourselves some self-love. What was it about those experiences that still get you hot (or still make you cringe)? What boundaries can you set based on those experiences and why do you want to set them? Write them down so you can remember them more effectively.
For example:
“When I slept with Alex, they did that one thing that I really didn’t like. My boundary is that I never want to do that again.”
“When I hooked up with Jordan, we tried that new thing that was AMAZING. I want to do that as often as possible.”
Step three: Research
Learn more about the things that really get you going. Look up best practices and stories from others who have experienced these things. This might even include some pornography-related research.
To learn how to watch porn in an ethical way, click here.
Step four: Implement
Now that you’ve set your boundaries and you know what you like and don’t like, what do you do with this information?
Well, if you have a partner(s), communicate! Let them know that you want to have a chat about your sex life because you want it to be awesome for everyone involved. Explain why you feel the way that you do about certain activities and ask them to tell you what their wants, desires, and hard nos are too. Who knows - maybe the conversation alone will lead to amazing sex!
If you’re not sure where to start, or you feel that you and your partner(s) could use a little extra help, reach out for Minnesota sex therapy! Check out our Services & Rates for more information.
