Is Masturbation Ruining Your Relationship?

What’s normal?

Can you masturbate regularly when you’re in a committed relationship? Is it okay to be upset when your partner masturbates? Do you or your partner(s) masturbate too much?

This is a common conversation (read: pain point) in relationships

So if you’ve had these conversations with your partner(s), it’s totally normal. But what are the answers to these questions? And can masturbation really ruin your relationship?

Unfortunately, much like many questions about sex, sexuality, and relationships, the answer is: it depends. I’ll tackle these common questions one at a time. If you have other masturbation-related questions you would like to see in a future blog post, reach out via the Contact page or consider sex & relationship therapy!

Masturbating while in a committed relationship

So you caught your partner masturbating and you feel weird about it (or angry or hurt). Or you were the partner who was caught in the act and you’re not sure what the big deal is (or you’re embarrassed and ashamed). What now?

This might seem like a no-brainer, but it’s time for a conversation.

And I get it, that conversation can feel so awkward. But it’s necessary. Why do you or your partner feel upset about it? Sometimes a person can feel replaced by masturbation or is made to feel undesirable, especially if sex has been lacking in the relationship. Talk it out. It could be as simple as a need to take things back to the basics and make time for intimacy in your relationship. Masturbation itself is rarely the root of the feelings.

Is it okay to be upset about your partner’s masturbation?

First, I want to make sure you know that your feelings are valid and it may be time to dig a little deeper.

What are you really upset about?

Is it that your partner is masturbating or is it the feelings that come up because of the masturbation that really have nothing to do with the act?

Do you feel unwanted or undesirable? Does it impact your self-esteem? Do you wish your partner would be intimate with you more often? Are your feelings directly related to your partner’s masturbation or do they stem from something else that should be addressed?

Am I masturbating too much? Is my partner?

Once again, the dreaded answer: it depends. What is too much?

There’s no specific amount that is widely considered too much masturbation.

Masturbation is a healthy and normal activity and many of us engage in it on a regular basis; however, anything can get out of hand if we let it.

Signs you might be masturbating too much include:

• You feel like you can’t control your masturbatory behavior

• Your behaviors are causing a lot of distress in your life - home life, work life, school life, etc.

• You either can’t complete regular tasks or engage in regular activities or you don’t want to because of masturbation

• You’ve masturbated so frequently that you’ve caused yourself physical pain

Looking to talk to someone about your masturbation habits or how your relationship has been impacted by masturbation? Book a consultation or reach out via the Contact page!